(This is a continuation from the about me section)
Finally, after my husband's relentless hounding to get checked, I made an appointment with my OB/GYN.
They removed a small polyp, the size of a pea, and sent it to be biopsied. They also determined I had an infection, and a prescription was called in. About a week later, the doctor's office called me with the results of the biopsy.
I still remember it like it was yesterday, the doctor, sounded worried and said that the polyp came back cancer. Just.Like.That. There was no warning, no 'you should sit down' or 'is there someone with you?' it hit me like a ton of bricks. Of course at the time, I was home alone with my kids, who were 4 1/2 and 1 1/2 at the time. I couldn't catch my breath, and the tears wouldn't stop pouring down my face. I ran out to the kitchen to hide and get it together. The first person I called was my mom, she was only a 5 minute drive from my house, and I knew I needed someone with me ASAP.
When she answered, I could barely sob out that I needed her, but just hearing me, she said she would be right over. In the meantime, I called my husband, he is my center, my rock, I desperately needed to hear his voice. I just wanted him home, to hold me and tell me it was going to be okay. All I could think about were my husband and kids, I didn't want to die. I can't leave them, I don't want to leave them. Our lives together have just started, this isn't fair!
Thank goodness he answered, I tried to keep it together, but once I heard his voice, I fell apart again. I told him what was going on, and blindsided him, worst part is that he couldn't leave work, and now had to sit with this knowledge all night. He did his best to calm me, and it was enough to get me by until my mom showed up. For a woman with her own health issues, I have never seen her move so fast! Once she got inside, I was able to articulate what was going on, and then the tears ran down her face. She hugged me so tight, and told me we would get through this. She sat with me, helped me to get my wits about me, and then I called my dad. He and his step wife came over as soon as he was out of work. It was such an odd commotion going on around me. Everyone was trying to comfort me, but I just wasn't there. My head hurt from crying, I was tired, and all I wanted to do was hold my kids. They stayed until Steve, my husband, came home that night.
The minute he walked in the door, the tears started again. There is the love of my life, one of the most amazing things to ever happen to me, and I don't want to leave him. He held me in his arms, told me how he loved me, and that we would get through this together. This was what I was waiting for all day, his love and warmth. I was never more grateful to be in his arms, or to hear his voice. I knew that tomorrow would bring a whole new set of worries, but in that moment, I was at peace.
The next day, I had an appointment made to go see an oncologist, and to my surprise, they were able to see me the following day. That was also our four year wedding anniversary, o what a way to spend our day! I spent the day trying not to stress and just spend time with my kids. They kept me going, and the day progressed quickly.
Then, Friday came, I had my mom come sit with the kids, and Steve and I left for the doctor. So many emotions and thoughts were running wild in my head. I tried not to entertain them, but it was a battle I wasn't going to win. Again, the tears started to fill my eyes, I tried everything I could to get them not to stream. This was still our anniversary, and I had make up on! We got to the office, and were taken back to the exam room. The doctor came in and spoke with us. He wanted to do an exam, so he left the room so I could change. I will spare the details of the exam, but I will say it wasn't pretty. After I changed into my clothes, he came back in to talk about his findings. Not only did I indeed have cancer, but it was very visible. I had been hoping and praying that the cancer had been contained to the removed polyp, but it wasn't. My heart sank, and I started to cry. Based on the size, the doctor recommended a radical hysterectomy. That was even more devastating! We were not done having kids, I didn't want to have that option taken away from me, but if it meant staying alive, and being here and healthy for my family, I was going to do it. The procedure was scheduled for about 2 weeks later.
Steve and I sat in the small conference room for a bit, he just held me and let me cry. I was so grateful to have him there, he was and still is, a great source of comfort. After our appointment was over, we went to lunch to try and salvage our anniversary.
We sat and talked, trying our hardest to just have a normal date. It worked for a bit, and it was a much needed break from the chaotic hell that was going on around me, and inside of me.
After lunch, we went home to break the news to everyone, except the kids. Steve and I had our own special talk with them. Not that Bella would understand, but Gio, my super smart kiddo, would understand to a certain degree. We just refer to the cancer as 'sicky germs' and never let on to the severity of the situation.
We spent the remaining time until surgery just enjoying each other's company, and having fun with the kids.
Finally, after my husband's relentless hounding to get checked, I made an appointment with my OB/GYN.
They removed a small polyp, the size of a pea, and sent it to be biopsied. They also determined I had an infection, and a prescription was called in. About a week later, the doctor's office called me with the results of the biopsy.
I still remember it like it was yesterday, the doctor, sounded worried and said that the polyp came back cancer. Just.Like.That. There was no warning, no 'you should sit down' or 'is there someone with you?' it hit me like a ton of bricks. Of course at the time, I was home alone with my kids, who were 4 1/2 and 1 1/2 at the time. I couldn't catch my breath, and the tears wouldn't stop pouring down my face. I ran out to the kitchen to hide and get it together. The first person I called was my mom, she was only a 5 minute drive from my house, and I knew I needed someone with me ASAP.
When she answered, I could barely sob out that I needed her, but just hearing me, she said she would be right over. In the meantime, I called my husband, he is my center, my rock, I desperately needed to hear his voice. I just wanted him home, to hold me and tell me it was going to be okay. All I could think about were my husband and kids, I didn't want to die. I can't leave them, I don't want to leave them. Our lives together have just started, this isn't fair!
Thank goodness he answered, I tried to keep it together, but once I heard his voice, I fell apart again. I told him what was going on, and blindsided him, worst part is that he couldn't leave work, and now had to sit with this knowledge all night. He did his best to calm me, and it was enough to get me by until my mom showed up. For a woman with her own health issues, I have never seen her move so fast! Once she got inside, I was able to articulate what was going on, and then the tears ran down her face. She hugged me so tight, and told me we would get through this. She sat with me, helped me to get my wits about me, and then I called my dad. He and his step wife came over as soon as he was out of work. It was such an odd commotion going on around me. Everyone was trying to comfort me, but I just wasn't there. My head hurt from crying, I was tired, and all I wanted to do was hold my kids. They stayed until Steve, my husband, came home that night.
The minute he walked in the door, the tears started again. There is the love of my life, one of the most amazing things to ever happen to me, and I don't want to leave him. He held me in his arms, told me how he loved me, and that we would get through this together. This was what I was waiting for all day, his love and warmth. I was never more grateful to be in his arms, or to hear his voice. I knew that tomorrow would bring a whole new set of worries, but in that moment, I was at peace.
The next day, I had an appointment made to go see an oncologist, and to my surprise, they were able to see me the following day. That was also our four year wedding anniversary, o what a way to spend our day! I spent the day trying not to stress and just spend time with my kids. They kept me going, and the day progressed quickly.
Then, Friday came, I had my mom come sit with the kids, and Steve and I left for the doctor. So many emotions and thoughts were running wild in my head. I tried not to entertain them, but it was a battle I wasn't going to win. Again, the tears started to fill my eyes, I tried everything I could to get them not to stream. This was still our anniversary, and I had make up on! We got to the office, and were taken back to the exam room. The doctor came in and spoke with us. He wanted to do an exam, so he left the room so I could change. I will spare the details of the exam, but I will say it wasn't pretty. After I changed into my clothes, he came back in to talk about his findings. Not only did I indeed have cancer, but it was very visible. I had been hoping and praying that the cancer had been contained to the removed polyp, but it wasn't. My heart sank, and I started to cry. Based on the size, the doctor recommended a radical hysterectomy. That was even more devastating! We were not done having kids, I didn't want to have that option taken away from me, but if it meant staying alive, and being here and healthy for my family, I was going to do it. The procedure was scheduled for about 2 weeks later.
Steve and I sat in the small conference room for a bit, he just held me and let me cry. I was so grateful to have him there, he was and still is, a great source of comfort. After our appointment was over, we went to lunch to try and salvage our anniversary.
We sat and talked, trying our hardest to just have a normal date. It worked for a bit, and it was a much needed break from the chaotic hell that was going on around me, and inside of me.
After lunch, we went home to break the news to everyone, except the kids. Steve and I had our own special talk with them. Not that Bella would understand, but Gio, my super smart kiddo, would understand to a certain degree. We just refer to the cancer as 'sicky germs' and never let on to the severity of the situation.
We spent the remaining time until surgery just enjoying each other's company, and having fun with the kids.