Ok, so clearly,I havent been here for some time. It has been insanely difficult to think about all the shit that I have had to deal with, and push through the chronic pain that I am now in as a result of my treatments. I have so many things that I want to write about, so there are going to be a few posts to try and get me up to date.
This entry will pretty much sum up the past year and a half.
I don't even know where to start. Life has been so crazy, and so much has happened that in some ways, life feels very much like a blur.
I still deal with constant abdominal pain. There is now a wonderful list of issues that accompany it, and no one seems to know exactly why, or when it will get better, yet. I am scheduled for my second colonoscopy, last one was about this time last year. Normally, I don't discuss these things, but I need to make people aware of all things I deal with on a daily basis. Unless you have been through some type of serious illness, most people think that I should be fine, and don't understand that serious health issues can occur as a result of treatment.
Every day starts with at least an hour in the bathroom attempting to have a bowel movement. There is lots of pain, straining, occasion vomiting, blood, and mucus. Then I can eat something, and take some pain medication. Because it takes me so long, I usually get my husband up to take our son to school so I can rest until I need to get up. We only have one bathroom, so that means I wait to go in until after my son has left so he can get ready first. Afterwards, I spend some time with my daughter and husband. He leaves for work, and we get ready to go get my son from school. Because the cold hurts me, walking sucks, and I walk with a 4 year old, I leave early so I can get close parking. There is usually a medication break before or after we get home. Then it's homework and dinner, watch a bit of t.v., more medicine, and bed. I have to sleep with a heating pad wrapped around my lower abdomen to relieve the cramps. I wake up several times throughout the night from pain, and as the medication wears off. The only time I sleep through the night is when I am so physically exhausted, I feel like I'm close to pushing daisies. Then it starts all over again. It is challenging to get dressed and go get my son some days, but I suck it up and keep going. I didn't go through as much as I did to roll over and die now. This also makes things difficult for going to functions, in addition to the pain, if I need to use the bathroom, it is kinda hard to disappear for that long, have someone watch my kids, etc..
I was doing great all summer, even had my weight up to 120 lbs! Got to go to the beach TWICE, saw one of my FAVORITE bands in concert, saw my son participate in his first field day, there were a lot of great days! Then the pain started getting a bit more severe, and I finally had an insane flare up right after Christmas. I debated admitting myself to the hospital because I couldn't take anymore. It took awhile, but it has gone back to being more tolerable. I did talk to the P.A. at my Oncologist's office, and she got me a CAT Scan the following week. I got the results from the oncologist that there was NO CANCER on the scan (YAY!!!), but there was no signs of a bowel obstruction or anything else. Since I already had an appointment with Colon-Rectal that coming Monday, he told me to talk with that doctor. I am really ready to switch specialists because I just don't feel like he gives a crap. As far as he is concerned, if it isn't cancer, he doesn't know anything. His response to my pain was that it could be from the radiation treatment, and that a small percentage of people suffer with long term issues, but there is no way to say how severe or how long. Basically, I took the treatments to save my life, and as a lovely parting gift, I now have pain no one knows what the hell to do with.
I now have the procedure scheduled, and hopefully this doctor will see something while he is playing Anal Astronaut. I need answers, I cannot spend the rest of my life like this, being in pain and not being able to do so many things is super frustrating.
Until then, I just keep going to be the mother and wife I need to be.
They are my reasons to be alive, and I can't let them down. Every breath I take is for them.
This entry will pretty much sum up the past year and a half.
I don't even know where to start. Life has been so crazy, and so much has happened that in some ways, life feels very much like a blur.
I still deal with constant abdominal pain. There is now a wonderful list of issues that accompany it, and no one seems to know exactly why, or when it will get better, yet. I am scheduled for my second colonoscopy, last one was about this time last year. Normally, I don't discuss these things, but I need to make people aware of all things I deal with on a daily basis. Unless you have been through some type of serious illness, most people think that I should be fine, and don't understand that serious health issues can occur as a result of treatment.
Every day starts with at least an hour in the bathroom attempting to have a bowel movement. There is lots of pain, straining, occasion vomiting, blood, and mucus. Then I can eat something, and take some pain medication. Because it takes me so long, I usually get my husband up to take our son to school so I can rest until I need to get up. We only have one bathroom, so that means I wait to go in until after my son has left so he can get ready first. Afterwards, I spend some time with my daughter and husband. He leaves for work, and we get ready to go get my son from school. Because the cold hurts me, walking sucks, and I walk with a 4 year old, I leave early so I can get close parking. There is usually a medication break before or after we get home. Then it's homework and dinner, watch a bit of t.v., more medicine, and bed. I have to sleep with a heating pad wrapped around my lower abdomen to relieve the cramps. I wake up several times throughout the night from pain, and as the medication wears off. The only time I sleep through the night is when I am so physically exhausted, I feel like I'm close to pushing daisies. Then it starts all over again. It is challenging to get dressed and go get my son some days, but I suck it up and keep going. I didn't go through as much as I did to roll over and die now. This also makes things difficult for going to functions, in addition to the pain, if I need to use the bathroom, it is kinda hard to disappear for that long, have someone watch my kids, etc..
I was doing great all summer, even had my weight up to 120 lbs! Got to go to the beach TWICE, saw one of my FAVORITE bands in concert, saw my son participate in his first field day, there were a lot of great days! Then the pain started getting a bit more severe, and I finally had an insane flare up right after Christmas. I debated admitting myself to the hospital because I couldn't take anymore. It took awhile, but it has gone back to being more tolerable. I did talk to the P.A. at my Oncologist's office, and she got me a CAT Scan the following week. I got the results from the oncologist that there was NO CANCER on the scan (YAY!!!), but there was no signs of a bowel obstruction or anything else. Since I already had an appointment with Colon-Rectal that coming Monday, he told me to talk with that doctor. I am really ready to switch specialists because I just don't feel like he gives a crap. As far as he is concerned, if it isn't cancer, he doesn't know anything. His response to my pain was that it could be from the radiation treatment, and that a small percentage of people suffer with long term issues, but there is no way to say how severe or how long. Basically, I took the treatments to save my life, and as a lovely parting gift, I now have pain no one knows what the hell to do with.
I now have the procedure scheduled, and hopefully this doctor will see something while he is playing Anal Astronaut. I need answers, I cannot spend the rest of my life like this, being in pain and not being able to do so many things is super frustrating.
Until then, I just keep going to be the mother and wife I need to be.
They are my reasons to be alive, and I can't let them down. Every breath I take is for them.